Condemnation - Chapter 0

When they said REPENT! REPENT!
I wonder what they meant?

    - Troll Poet Laureate Lenard Cohenn, just prior to his execution on the charge of Deviancy, the first and only known case of this in the history of Alternia.  




0.


    “Soooooooo... Where the hell am I and just who the hell are you?”

    “I am someone who knows what you are capable of.   I also know that you are capable of so much more.”

    “Hm.   Maybe you do know me then.  You should also know that I’m not to be underestimated.”

    “And perhaps you should know that you overestimate your own abilities.   I am here to make up for the difference.”

    “Aren’t you a charming fellow!  I bet you get all the ladies with that smooth talk.  All of them.”

    “There’s only one lady that I have use for.  She serves in the manner which she is meant to.  It is she who will be bringing you my gift.”

    “I like gifts.  I also know that genuine gifts are very rare.  What is the price tag associated?  Keep in mind I’m not one who likes to pay for things.”

    “I’m well aware of your privateering tendencies, and your predilection towards obtaining items without providing adequate compensation.  However, understand that, as a host, I have no expectations of recompense.  I simply offer you what you lack.”

    “How do you know I lack anything?”

    “Please.  You’re merely arrogant, not stupid. You will gratefully, if not gracefully, accept any advantage that is dropped into your lap.”

    “And how do I know this... gift will offer me any advantage?  Let’s see it.”  

    “Of course.  I am, if nothing else, a gracious host.  It should be arriving any moment... this one, in fact.”

    “Hooooooooly shit.  Where’d she come from?”

    “From me, of course.  I sent her.”

    “No kidding.  Good thing you’re smarter than you look.  And what’s with all the green?  You two look like you crawled out of the Mother Grub’s costume party.  I must admit, it’s a beautiful shade.”

    “Yes it is.  Thank you for saying so.  You will come to like it even more in the future.  Now, my Handmaid will provide you with that which you asked for.”

    “<........>”

    “I didn’t catch that, dear... say it again?  Your accent... Eastern?”

    “<You hear correctly.  You are beautiful and yet I should despise your existence.>”

    “You wouldn’t be the first to say so.  That’s a gorgeous dress.”

    “<Why don’t you tear it off of me?  Take me right here in front of this self righteous windbag.>”

    “Seriously?”

    “<Listen to my words.  Your brain squirms like hopbeast but your heart strong and your hips are ripe.  Love kiss, hate kiss, I care not.  Just molest me in front of this impudent sack of air because I know he despise every second of it.>”

    “Well!  When you put it like that, how can I resist?”

    “<Resistance is irrelevant!  Make haste!  Bite my neck!  I am without underwear!  Finger my seedflap before he interfere!  Foul creature!  Make round white demon squirm in anguish!>”

    “With pleasurrrrrrrre...”

    “Wait!  What are you doing!  None of that now!  Remove your hand from there at once!  She’s supposed to give you what’s inside the bag, not what’s inside her dress!  You’re making it very difficult to be gracious!”

    “She offerrrrrrrred...”

    “Did she now?  This one... She’s very talented but seems to have some... issues with her lot in life.  As for you, give me that bag and go about your business.  Go on, now.  Shoo.”

    “<May she tear your rectum to shreds with her horns!  I would scream like gutted hoofbeast and piss on your face if you had face to piss on.  Die in a fire!>”

    “Enough of your gibberish.  Move along.”

    “Seems like a nice girl.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to fight her or fuck her.”

    “You’ll be doing neither.  Now, open the bag and behold.”

    “Wow.  That’s... er...  round.”

    “That’s correct.  Any further observations?”

    “Listen, fella, if you want someone to look after your legless offspring,  you could probably find someone better equipped to do so than me.  I’m not exactly the grub-raising type.  I’m sure you could hire a lusus or something.”

    “Spare me your attempts at humour.  When you realize what it is you’re holding, I strongly suspect your attitude will change.”

    “If this is one of your shame globes, I’m gonna have to pass.  I know everyone jokes about giving their left globe for something but to really do it?  Ew.”

    “Perhaps I misjudged you.  If you don’t want to have true knowledge of the future, I’m sure I can find someone who does. “

    “Hey, wait... hold on.  Future?  What do you mean, exactly?”
 
    “Simply what I said.  Take a look at it.”

    “Still looks like a miniature version of your head.  Is it going to hatch or something?  Is it a dragon egg?  I’ve always wanted one of those!”

    “I gave it to you because you have a special gift.  Try looking at it with your Vision Eightfold.”

    “Ohhhhhhhh... I see.  There’s a window of some kind in it.”

    “Try asking a question and then look to the orb for your answer.”

    “What kind of question?  Yes or no?  Multiple choice?  Word problem?  I always despised those.”

    “It’s much more that what you think it is.  Any question at all.  You will get an answer.”

    “Okay, sure.  Here goes:  is this pompous douchebag telling the truth?”

    “So, what does it say?”

    “It says, ‘Yes’.  But then, for all I know, maybe it always says ‘Yes’?”  

    “Then ask something a little more interesting, perhaps.”

    “Hmmmmmmmm... all right.  What size and style of underwear does the Condesce prefer?”

    “And?”

    “... I see.  That’s... yeah.  Okay, either you’re a First Class Peeping Pthomm, or maybe there IS something to this little bauble of yours.”

    “I did say it was meant to see the future.  Perhaps you should point your queries in that direction?”

    “Very well.  Let’s see... Hey, how will I know if it’s legitimate?”

    “Has it been incorrect yet?”

    “I can’t confirm the first answer, and the second... well, that’s pretty impressive.  But really... how can I know?”

    “That’s why they call it the future.  I’m giving you a means to look in on it that very few ever get.”

    “Fine, then.  Let’s go big:  how will I die?”

    “What does it say?”

    “...that I will... be killed by... The Summoner...”

    “Indeed.  You may wish to write that down somewhere.  Unless you think you can remember that, of course.”

    “Wait a moment, I’m not done.  Okay, Ball... who is the Summoner?”

    “And?”

    “It says ‘The Summoner will be your matesprit’?  Gee, that’s super.  Who better than to run me through than a red lover?  That sure gives me lots to look forward to!”

    “So you acknowledge that this oracle is telling you the truth?”

    “Hey, now... I’m not so sure I’m a huge fan of Happy Fun Ball here yet.  It’s being kind of vague.”

    “Hardly.  It answered every question you’ve asked of it clearly and concisely.”

    “Says you.  Okay, you stupid sphere, what is the next thing I’m going to eat?”

    “Do not taunt ‘Happy Fun Ball’...”

    “No, no... wait for it... here it comes... a fried snoutbeast sandwich!  That’s amazing!  So, do tell, mister... whatever your name is...”

    “Doctor, actually.  Doc Scratch, at your service.”

    “Doc Scratch?  Ooh.  Sounds like someone who helps you treat a nasty rash.  Anyway, Doc, if that is your real name, what happens if I make a point of eating something else?  Or what if I told you we have no snoutbeast on board right now and we’ve been eating nothing but stale loaf for a week because that’s all we have?”

    “It doesn’t matter.  The oracle speaks the truth.  In time, you will come to appreciate its gifts.”

    “Yeah, sure.  Speaking of which, what is the price of this gift?”

    “It is yours to use.”

    “We talked about this earlier:  every gift has a price.”

    “It’s up to you to determine that price.  I’m giving it freely.  That does not mean it comes without cost.  There is no knowledge that is not power.  The only question is whether or not that knowledge or that power will benefit you.”

    “Okay, so let’s try this:  what’s your angle?  Your motivation?  Everyone has one.  Don’t even try to convince me otherwise.”

    “My motivation is quite simple, really.  My life is a very long one, you see.  Since I have more time on my hands than I know what to do with while I await the arrival of my employer, I must find ways of amusing myself.  Again, since very few have your particular abilities, it’s rare that I get to make this kind of presentation.  After all, how can one be a most gracious host if he has no one to entertain?  In essence, I entertain you in hope that you entertain me.”

    “Ohhhhhhhh... I get it.  Say no more.  You’re looking for a good time.  Well, eight nights out of nine, I’d say you’ve come to the right place, but frankly, Doc, you kind of weird me out.  I swear, if you tell me you call what’s in your fancy green trousers a ‘snoutbeast sandwich’, you can keep your creepy white ball.”

    “Be assured that I could not possibly be less interested in what you do with what’s between your legs.  I’m much more interested in what you do with what’s between your ears.”

    “How so?”

    “Creatures such as you fascinate me.  You have a dual nature that many others seem to be without.  Don’t misunderstand:  everyone has both dark and light desires, but yours appear to be centered right down the middle.  You are capable of great deeds, both heroic and vile, and I’m quite curious to see how someone like you makes use of an oracle such as this.  Which way will prescience steer you?”

    “Apparently in such a direction that someone I love does me in.”  

    “Ah, but the how or the why is still to be determined!”

    “I’ve never been a big believer in determinism.  My fate is in my own hands.”

    “And yet, here you are, holding something that may very well prove otherwise. “

    “...”

    “Now, when you once again become fully aware of your surroundings, you will remember everything we have said and done here.  Use this orb well.”

    “Define ‘well’.”

    “In whatever manner you see fit!  Have no fear; I’m sure I will find it most entertaining.”

    “I hate to rain on your little parade, but that’s the last thing I would possibly be afraid of.”

    “Maybe you should reconsider that stance.  Remember that sometimes when you stare into an eye, that eye may be staring back.  Consider yourself my protégé of sorts; by using this item, you will learn to understand the more subtle nuances of time.  May you serve it well.  Now, go enjoy that... what did you call it?  Fried snoutbeast sandwich?”

    “We’ll see about that.  Thanks... I think.”


    ********


    Marquise Spinneret Mindfang  awoke in her cabin aboard the Fool’s Gam8it.  She slipped out of the recupracoon and tried to get her bearings.  How long did I sleep?  Those were some messed up dreams, though... so vivid and clear!  I can remember them like they literally just happened.  

    As she picked up the towel from her bed to wipe the sopor slime off of her body, she was startled by a loud THUD and as her eyes lit on the object that made the sound, her blue blood froze.  With trembling hands, she picked up the white sphere and turned it around.  She found the small window in it which permitted her to see the responses the ball made where others could not and was suddenly torn between asking it a question just to see if it was actually real, or running out to the deck and hurling the damned thing into the sea.  Her curiousity , always her most dominant trait, got the best of her and she opted to keep it with her.  

    As she pondered what she would ask of it, there was a knock at the door and a voice calling out, “Captain?  Your meal is ready!”  

    Mindfang made her way to the door, towel hastily wrapped around her body.  She normally didn’t care if her crew saw her undressed; most of them had already spent time in her cabin by this point.   She flung the door open and a young rustblood woman was holding a tray with a couple of pieces of grubloaf on it.  Just as I suspected, she thought, grabbing the slices from the silver plate and biting down.  As she rolled it around in her mouth, she detected a smoky flavour and a chewier texture than she expected.  

    “Hey!  What the blue hell is wrong with this loaf?  It’s kinda strange...”

    Her server looked down.  “So sorry.  I kept a small store of snoutbeast skin in the storage room and I wanted to give it to our captain.  She is the one who looks after us and keeps us safe.  It would be wrong of me to keep it to myself.”   She backed out of the doorway and started to make her way to the mess while Mindfang peeled the pieces of loaf apart and examined the thin strips of meat which was, in fact, snoutbeast.  

    There was something odd about the way that girl spoke... “Hey!  You!” Mindfang called after her.  

    The girl turned her head; her curved horns poked out from her long hair.   “Yes, Captain?”

    Spinneret looked at her face.  So familiar but where... “You’re from the Eastern Prefectures, aren’t you?”

    “Yes, Captain.  Why do you ask?”

    Mindfang gave her a broad smile.  “In order to find out, of course.”  She ran her blue eyes up and down the girl’s curvaceous body and suddenly didn’t feel quite as hungry anymore... at least where food was concerned.  “Would you care to join me in my quarters?  I’d like some company for lunch.”  

    A pause.  “I could be persuaded.”

    “I’m counting on that...” Mindfang purred.  She looked again at the sandwich and then pitched it onto her desk, followed shortly by her towel.  


********


    Mindfang awoke with a start.  She glanced around the room:  same ship, same recupracoon, just a few sweeps had gone past since those events had taken place.  Why that memory?  Why tonight? she wondered as she reached for the towel.  There was no thud this time; the white cue ball, which had served her so well for sweeps, was now safely elsewhere.  But I think it’s time that I need to regain that particular item; she thought as she wiped her grey skin down, if I’m having dreams like that, it’s no coincidence.  

    As she sat down on the bed to brush her long hair, Spinneret ran her thumb and finger over the large earring that hung from her ear, as was her custom at the start of every evening.  She let her thumb slide over the cool jade ring that dangled from the golden garnet studded hoop and said a silent hello to Porrim as she did so.  If only I’d had that ball at the time... maybe she’d still be here?  It was pointless to beat herself up over it; she tried to convince herself to be rational.  Maybe I never would have asked the right questions?  That wretched thing has proven to be more misery inducing than helpful when it comes to relationships.

    A knock at the door.  “Whaaaaaaaat?” Mindfang replied; she despised being bothered during her evening routine.  

    “Sorry to bother you, Captain, but we’ve detected an Imperial Destroyer group about twenty klicks east from our position.  They’re closing fast.  What are your orders?”

    She tossed her hair to the side and started pulling her long red boots on.  “The same thing we always do, Felida:  engage and destroy!  I will be there momentarily.”  She spoke with the confidence one gains from knowing that this skirmish would not signify her doom.  It’s the next best thing to being immortal, she thought as she pulled on her ruffled white shirt.  Those shitrafts have been getting more and more brazen in their feints; it might be high time to put their crews to the irons instead of simply sending them to the bottom or appropriating them for my own.

    The last ones she did that to, however, kept saying the same thing and at first, she didn’t have a clue what “Redglare” meant.  With a simple application of her abilities, she was able to glean from them that it was the name of the Neophyte Legislacerator that had been assigned to bring her to justice, or at least, what passed for justice on Alternia.  Nice to know that they still care... kind of. One would think they’d at least dispatch a more seasoned legislacerator to pursue me, but maybe that’s how they want it. The Condesce is a woman who understands the value of a good strategy, at least...